Brandy’s bio (as written by Peter) –

It is a little known fact that Brandy is the younger and better-looking sister of Amy Poehler.  But Brandy’s first calling wasn’t to be a blogger.  You see, Brandy used to work on the docks.  Then the union went on strike.  She was down on her luck.  It was tough.  So tough.  The she tried her hand at music.  Her polka punk band “Stuffed Beavers” opened for O-Town on their cross Northeastern Alberta tour of coffee shops and phone booths.  She had a fling with one of the dudes in O-Town.  It was the one with the ridiculous hair.  He cheated on her.  She reacted in what she referred to, in her autobiography “I’ll Pick a Fucking Title Later,”  as a “calm fashion.” Then she did a six year bit in the clink.  It happens.  Then she was released.  Three days later, she took a swing at Prime Minster Harper (a HUGE O-Town fan himself) and went back in for another 14 months.  It was in jail that she discovered blogging, and the real love that can only exist between cellmates.  Her first blog, “Things I’ve tried to Turn Into a Shiv” met with much acclaim from the critics.  However she didn’t want to be pigeon-holed (it had happened to her once in the shower) and started up her current blog “It’s Like I’m… Mmmagic!” It’s pretty good.

Peter’s bio (as written by Brandy) –

With his way with words and love of storytelling, it’s no surprise that Peter is the illegitimate son of Dolly Parton and Wally Lamb. He was conceived in the back of Dolly’s tour van with Lily Tomlin passed out on the floor clutching an unsolved Rubik’s cube and a bottle of warm gin.  In his early twenties, Peter met Lisa Loeb and they had a tumultuous love affair, that ended when Peter was recruited to play quarterback for the Indianapolis Colts. He lasted a season before realizing that his heart wasn’t in getting paid millions of dollars to throw a football. Lisa channeled her heartbreak over the breakup and wrote the song “Stay” about Peter. They remain close to this day, with Lisa often offering to come over and serve Peter breakfast in bed when she’s touring the east coast of Canada. In the early 90’s, Peter invented google and though often swarmed by female fans- his trademark wit and baseball cap are catnip for the most sophisticated of women, he remains faithful to his one true love- Lauren Graham,- the only girl who has been fortunate enough to get her face tattooed on his back. Throughout the 90’s, Peter was a solid fixture in the maritime social scene, but he now spends most of his time speech writing for the Obama adminstration and fending off female admirers (on a sad note, he has had to taken out repeated straining orders against both Jenifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie, much to the anger of Brad Pitt). Peter has published three noteable works of writing, including- “I Haiku and you can too“- a deeply moving, 600 page masterpiece dedicated to the haiku that was #1 on the New York Times bestseller list for 87 straight weeks. He uses his blog to showcase his love of Crocs and to detail his brief time in Tawainese jail after an incident involving him, his godmother Lily Tomlin and a forbidden stash of “Cougar on the Prowl” pornography magazines. He wanted to grow up to be a ballerina but feels like writing is a good second choice. He has since solved Lily Tomlin’s Rubik’s cube.

Advertisements

2 Responses to “About Us”

  1. Jamie said

    Okay these might be the best bios written in the history of bios.

    I know I’m asking when I need one.

  2. Caitlyn said

    Two of my favorite writers. One place. I feel like my mind, heart, and every other essential organ are all exploding at once. This might potentially be the second happiest moment of my life, after the time I realized that J. Crew made puppy clothes.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: