STOGS, Willy Wonka & the one night stand that involved no sex

May 25, 2009

When Peter approached me with the idea of a STOG, I was immediately on board. See, those of you who know Peter know that’s he’s a charmer. He could have approached me with the idea of fire eating or getting a tattoo of a Burt Reynolds on my ass and I would have been on board.  With pictures.

And then he explained what a STOG was and immediately thought I was in love. A STOG is like a one night stand without the walk of shame. You get all the fun out of writing, without any of  the long term obligations.  And if there’s one thing that I love- it’s being free of long term obligations (this is probably why I’m single. And why I refuse to buy a nice car- the idea of having a car payment is too permanent for me. This is an awesome idea until I realize that having a car that doesn’t have a car payment attached to it also means having a car that does not have air conditioning).

The whole idea of having a STOG reminds me of the craziest one night stand ever. I hesitate to even call it a one night stand- it was more like, a one night sleepover with Willy Wonka. His name was Owen and he painted houses and he loved candy. Sour candy, chocolate chews, gumballs, licorice, rockets- he loved it all. His room would have been Willy Wonka’s wetdream. Our night consisted of us laying in his bed talking and then him mid-sentence jumping out of bed remembering where he had put another stash. He hid his candy because his roommate would always come in and eat it.

Hindsight suggests that maybe a guy who was more interested in eating a snickers bar he had crammed into the pages of “No Logo” than sexing up a hot girl in his bed is grounds for a redflag, but at the time I sort of thought he was charming. And his love of candy was one that I shared- (though I’m more of a sour candy girl than a chocolate girl) so I stayed the night and woke up at 5 am with sticky Nerd candies stuck to my arm. I walked home covered not only in the shame one does when one is walking home at 5 am in her bar clothes, with smudged mascara and bedhead but with the sweet aroma of chocolate and licorice clinging to me.

Whoa. I just realized that I went from talking about STOGS to my walk of shame. See? This is why STOGS are fun. I may cringe sharing my one night stand story but in a week? This STOG will be over and the only thing that will remain of it is my memory of a one night stand with a guy who’s idea of foreplay involved licorice, chocolate sauce and Ani Difranco.

Maybe the Ani Difranco should have been the redflag.

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17 Responses to “STOGS, Willy Wonka & the one night stand that involved no sex”

  1. shaba said

    The ani difranco would have been a turn on for me. The candy
    Stash not so much.

  2. brandy said

    yeah.. the worst part was that he was running around in his underwear like a kid on Christmas eve searching for candy like it was the cure for cancer. Ahh, I attract only the highest quality of men.

  3. Paula said

    I actually like the thought of the candy stash. I have my own reasons for this. In fact, its inspired a future post for me, so thanks! 🙂

  4. Replace the Nerds on your arm with Mike n’ Ikes and I have a new fantasy…

  5. Okay, right now I’m thinking snickers . . . 😉

  6. Marie said

    Wow. He’s real special, huh?

  7. I can’t even begin to articulate how much I love this site. And you. And Peter.

  8. Sarah said

    haha. It’s like you had a one night stand with Claudia from the babysitter’s club!

  9. shine said

    That? Was awesome. Nerds in the armpit…not okay.

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